A few selected one liners & bumper stickers...

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.

All men are idiots ... I married their king.

The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

My kid had sex with your honor student.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Help wanted - Telepath: you know where to apply.

I'm just driving this way to piss you off.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

I love cats ... they taste just like chicken.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Keep honking, I'm reloading.

Hang up and drive.

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just woudn't listen.

Cats... the other white meat.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

Friends don't let Friends drive Naked.

Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a rock.