Dear Mr President...

Mr. President, I am a 13 year old boy and I totally support you. My mom and dad are always picking on me for lying. Since you have taught me it's okay to lie as long as you say you're sorry, I have become quite good at it, and can get away with it more than I ever thought I could. When I get caught, just say I'm sorry. But my teacher bugs me and brings up George Washington. I'm so glad he's not our leader. He's not cool like you. Also, my girlfriend says she wants to be a virgin when she gets married. I told her that doing what Monica did isn't sex and is OK - even the President says so. Now I'm getting oral sex from her all the time.

Your theory even makes sense to her little sister. I told her like you said. That this is private and nobody's business, and told of what happened to you when Monica told. I wish all those evil mean people would stop criticizing you so much. They don't understand all you've done for us children. You have made our lives a real joy. Like the other day when me and my buds were smoking pot and got caught, all we had to say is we didn't inhale, and our principal, who lucky for us, voted for you, let us go. I thought you would like to know that you sure taught us how to have fun, Mr. President!